Magazines and other Things

Well, I'm back. It's been a hectic month or so, and not because of wedding planning. Not that there hasn't been some wedding planning involved. My Betrothed and I took off for a whirlwind tour of local National Parks and Monuments for two weeks, after which I came back to a workload that... well... it's the kind of workload that ends up on your desk after being out of the office for two weeks. So, of course, I worked for two more days, took Veteran's day off, and then promptly took two more vacation days to help My Betrothed get situated at her new residence. Far, far away from me.

So very far.

Stop looking at me like that. I'm not gonna cry or anything.

Anyway, back to my impending groom-hood. The weddings I have been to have all been very different, but they have tended to have a few things in common. They have been events centered around pairs of people who have come together to proclaim to the world that they love each other. When I was younger, I viewed weddings as pointlessly ceremonial (I want to be clear: I'm talking about weddings as an event, not marriages as a concept). Now, however, I see the point. It is this public proclamation of love that makes the whole thing worth while to the Bride and Groom. I am happy to say that most of the weddings I have been to have been for couples who are still, in fact, married.

Of course, I always believed that the Wedding Industrial Complex has very little to do with proclamations of undying love and devotion, and much more to do with money. I mean, after all, this is how these people make a living. But sometimes the commercialization gets a bit out of hand.

I'm beginning to see that "out of hand" is the normal state of affairs. Take the first bridal magazine My Betrothed picked up. Like many popular magazines such as Cosmo, Maxim, Rolling Stone, etc, it was difficult to find articles amongst all the advertisements. In this case, however, even many of the articles were advertisements. I had, somewhat naïvely, supposed that the articles would be aimed at helping the reader "Get the Wedding You Want" as the headlines on the cover proclaimed. That doesn't seem to be the focus. One article, about five pages long or longer, was about Sandals, Jamaica as a honeymoon destination. It was interspersed with actual ads for Sandals, Jamaica, but the article itself did nothing but lavish praise and list all the amenities available. My Betrothed and I have recently been working our way through early seasons of the U.S. version of TV's "The Office." We could not stop giggling. Sandals has an image problem, and his name is Michael Scott.

The other thing that struck me was that while there are numerous Bridal magazines available, there aren't any Groomal magazines. (Spell check says that "Groomal" isn't a word. I say language is fluid, and that Groomal has just entered the lexicon. Go forth and spread the new vocab, people!) I did eventually find a local guide to wedding vendors that was in its annual "Groom's Edition." That's right. Grooms get one edition a year. The September/October edition. If you're a Groom who proposes in November of one year and gets married before September of the next, you're out of luck.

On top of everything else, I discovered that the authors of the Groom's Edition articles, including the Editor's blurb at the beginning, did not seem to think Brides in general were very, um, bright. The editor seemed focused on trying to tell Grooms how to keep control of the checkbook while still making the Bride happy. Because, obviously, all Grooms are breadwinners, and all Brides are over-spenders.

Excuse me. I realize sarcasm doesn't travel well over the internets. That was sarcasm.

But it was really the tips that the Editor was offering that made me the most insulted on My Betrothed's behalf. For instance: we live in a hot climate where summer temperatures quickly soar into the hundreds. So the editor suggested that Grooms propose the idea of getting married in June. You see, venues around here tend to offer summer discounts. Because no one in his/her right mind wants to get married in June in the desert. But the editor pronounced that "She'll think you're a romantic."

Just a note: My Betrothed does not find it romantic when her uncle passes out from heat stroke.

The other articles inside were typical Wedding Industrial Complex stuff. Of course, this being a guide to local vendors, that's expected. It was the vendors themselves writing the articles. It's amusing how similar articles for brides are to articles for grooms. In a bridal magazine the food articles focus on getting what "you" (in this case, the Bride) want: filet mignon instead of hamburger, prosciutto instead of bacon, etc, etc, etc. But the "Groom's Edition" focuses on educating the groom about how the foods he really wants "probably won't fly" but that he could find acceptable substitutes: filet mignon instead of hamburger, prosciutto instead of bacon, etc, etc, etc.

"But aren't those also the more expensive options? Shouldn't you go with what your own taste buds and/or personal budget dictate?"

Hush! Silence! Do not question the WIC!

~G2B

I have learned, through Google, that "Wedding Industrial Complex" and "Groomal" are not my own original creations. Darn. I thought I was starting something. Still good vocab, though.